Wednesday, 18 September 2013

THAT feeling.. a.k.a The future scares the shit out of me

Whilst writing my latest short story, which is a small scene from a futuristic setting (check it out here), I obviously started thinking about the future... (Or The Future, as I like to think about it, with the accompanying sound effect: duhn, duhn, DUUUHN)

Ok, so the thing is this:
-- I am a researcher, so my very occupation has a time limit to it, as decided by my grant funding.
-- The field I am in, as any academic branch I guess, is competitive
-- I have moved around a fair bit when I was younger and so have sadly lost track of many of my close friends
-- I am in a relationship where my partner is from a different country, and used to a different culture, than my own
-- I have a tendency to think... A LOT

All of the above (... ok.....mainly the last one.....) forms crucial parts of a puzzle that adds up to a very stressed individual indeed. As soon as I start to think about my own future (The Future) in any way - perhaps when writing a story, making a plan for a nice holiday, or just write a shopping list - I instantly develop a feeling of dread, and go straight into a loop of crazy thoughts.

These include: will I ever finish my thesis, will I ever get the time to get a decent haircut, will I ever get postdoctoral position, will I ever be happy being myself, will I ever be able to afford a new phone, will I ever get time to spawn some mini-Tees, will I ever enjoy exercise, will I ever feel content with my life, will I ever get to do my own research, will I ever....

Tee working away in the office
Tee pondering over The Future

WHY oh WHY, do I have to analyse every little possible aspect of my future, all the freaking time??!!!!
WHY can't I just sit back, be content in where I am at the moment, and enjoy the ride???!!

And finally: WHY oh WHY do people have to write a facebook update as soon as they are think they are so bloody happy and so freaking content with their lives???????........................

Oh. Ok. Problem solved. I'm just jealous.
Sorry about the rant.

//  Tee  --  Thinks that anyone who actually has ANY suggestions or tips, as to how to deal with stress about the future, should leave a comment below. Or, alternatively, cash out a Noble Prize. 


  1. Tee you are doing great! Keep going :) also about the mini Tees... you have plenty of time for that also!!

    Melanie xxx

  2. T you are amazing, and think in am infinite set of universes there will be a T that does not get time to do all that but is super happy ! (- insert generic inspirational comment about journey not destination here)
    and please be happy being T - we're all happy you are you
    oh and no one likes exercises -NOONE ! - they all just lie to make us normals feel lazy, and unnatuarally wobbly x Hananh